6.20.2010

I thank you for chatting with me for the past one-hour cos I wasn't feeling well. Guess you didn't sense that since I've been putting up a front.

I hate people who gives you attitude when there is no reason at all. I dislike them for when they give you the cold shoulder, it dampens your mood immediately. Now I will start to question myself as to what have I done wrong. Was it my fault which lead you to treat me like that? Do I deserve what just happened? Great. I hate this kind of feeling. It is quite common to feel like this. I will not deny that I do give such cold shoulder to people around. But seldom. Sigh. It feels like that person is having a mood swing without warning like an active volcano which erupts. It is so sudden that the victim does not even know what just occurred. I am feeling this way right now. The victim of this avalanche of magma. Many times I just wished to ask 'why'. Why the attitude? Why the sulky face and the awkward silence? Did anyone tell you that awkward silences are deafening? I hate this. I have been covering up quite nicely for the past year or so. And I am here to vent it all out. The faking ignorance and treating it as nothing has ever happened. Hell no. I just wish that I can put it all out and say that "I know you're giving an attitude. So what's the problem now?" But no. Seriously, I do not think that I will ever do that.

I feel really emotional right now. Negativity that has been collecting within me. Do you ever have friends who will laugh at you and question almost everything you say or do. Or even think that you are an ignorant person who has the least knowledge of all? Yes I do. Oh well, they do it in a joking manner but deep down I doubt so. Sometimes they'll ask if I know what this or that means and start mocking if I don't. Maybe 'mocking' is too strong a word. Then again, all this comments will make you feel so useless and stupid. You know the tone of voice that is so demeaning? I absolutely know that. I can't go any further right now. I have always know this feeling exists but the thought of putting them down into words are just so scary.

I have been watching Dexter and that really intrigues me. How many people out there are living with a facade and have their inner self covered up? Dexter does and I think I do. Who really knows me cos I don't even know myself. Which part of you is hidden under cover? And which part of you is revealed to the public?

I guess many of you have not seen this side of me before. Vulnerable and pathetic.


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6.16.2010

Miss Dependent or Independent?

I couldn't agree more with Yan's post on young Singaporeans being dependent. Definitely, I am being one of them, having the best sponsors for my studies- Mr. & Mrs. Ho. After being here and meeting all sorts of people, I do realized that Melburnians are much more independent as to leaving the family and staying in a rented place. Some get part-time jobs to support themselves while others have government subsidy. That's people welfare we're talking about. You can get 100% claim if you buy a laptop here. Oh, I see the surprised look on your face but that's how it works. My friend is now the proud owner of a free laptop. As for my other mate, he gets weekly 'pocket money' from the government. Not much, around 200 bucks each time if I'm not wrong. Wonderful isn't it? Hi there my fellow friends, will we get such a benefit when we're young and healthy? Uh, stop day dreaming and come back to the reality.

Noticed the major digression? I just did. Sorry there cos there are so much going through my mind right now.
Quick update
- Volunteered for Beauty and the Geek Melbourne's audition last Saturday. Enjoyed myself much despite the early call time. The girls are just 'great'. Fake tans, fake boobs, fake noses....
- Helping out for RMITV Studio A for Channel 31 as studio lighting director. Impressive title. Nearly had a breakdown yesterday during rehearsal. First time looking at the set and with my little knowledge on studio lighting, I just gave it a go. CCU (camera control unit, for white balancing and colour correcting) took me ages. I was the only one doing lighting. Oh god, my did I land myself in this shit hole. Hope that everything will go well next week. Did I mentioned that it's going to be a live telecast? Awesome.


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6.11.2010

Dusty.

Can't believe that I've just spent the past 3 hours revamping my blog. Guess that's the result of boredom. My final semester has ended. It has been the best time of my life studying here. To be a student yet again, rushing for deadlines, meeting new friends, exposing to a different culture and the creative minds. Gosh, I'm missing it already.
It hasn't been long since I submitted my last assignment. That was this morning. Ok. To be fair, I've completed it long ago and have been slacking my way through. Nothing else for me to do now till my parents come over in an exact one month's time. Simply can't wait to show them around this wonderful place despite my countless complains on the pricing and business hours. Nonetheless, Melbourne is definitely a place which I can see myself staying on for. I've been looking at job search websites, trying to find a job and make full use of my time while I'm here. Well, maybe I haven't been sending out enough of it to get replies. Sigh. So, I guess I've explored Melbourne enough that there's no other places for me to go to. Pathetic. I've been check out new places but googling on "Things to do in Melbourne" doesn't help much. All the boxes are checked.

Doubt anyone will read this blog. Anyways, I've bought a new camera recently and went around taking photos with it. Here are some to share with you my patriotic readers.




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