1.06.2011

Recently I found out something new about myself. I used to write with my left hand when I was really young. Now I'm convinced that I'm a left-hander. =)


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1.01.2011

This New Year is so not a happy one after all.
I was filled with much anticipation to welcome sis back from her Korea trip earlier on. But the mood now is just filled with anger and more anger. It's always the case, most of the time. Whenever we, as in the family, bask in a little more happiness, there'll always be a huge argument right after.

That's how it happened less than 30 mins ago. Sis was happily showing her loots that she exchanged with a little $$$. These include lotsa cosmetics and skincare, 2 coats and a polaroid camera among many more. My itchy hand dad when to open the polaroid cam with the films inside. And that started off the whole upsetting incident and involved quite a bit of bad-mouthing. Adding on to this, my mum dropped a ring that my sis bought... Yes, I do understand that I'll be fucking angry if anyone spoils my new stuff or even to drop it on the floor. Sigh

Caught between my parents and my sis, seriously, I had no idea what to do. Better to shut my mouth up at times like this. After a 10 minutes interval and with much courage, I took my favourite doll to cheer my sis up. That wasn't very well received either. Yes. I ended up being scolded by her. Technically not scolding, just venting her anger on me with her face no further than 3 inches from mine. Can you imagine the anger from within, tears on the verge of bursting. Such hatred and resentment. Oh well. So I turned my back against her and walked off.

So much for 1.1.2011. Not really looking forward to it anymore. FML.


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12.22.2010

"Living my life to the fullest." That has been the motto of life to many others, including myself. Distinctively remembered that this particular line was posted on my Facebook on 10 Nov this year. But what exactly is the meaning behind it all? It beats me some times.

A friend's mum passed away 2 days ago and attended the wake yesterday. It hit me hard, bringing me back to the reality that human lives are just as vulnerable as an ants. Just that ours are a little more glamorous than slogging all the way and carrying food that's 50X our weight. Sorry ants.

I'm sure for a lot of us who want to 'live life to the fullest' will have a bucket list. Do you have it written out and pinned somewhere in your room? I don't. Not for now. Perhaps I'll write it down somewhere real soon. To what extend will you die contently? Such morbid question I am asking...

This is a sequence to a conversation that I had in the office yesterday.
No one will actually remember or care if you're dead or not cos life goes on. That's just how minute you are in this world. Nothing but a mere mortal.


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8.31.2010

Quarter life crisis

Back in Singapore for the past 1.5 week. I've been thinking quite a bit lately. At the moment when the plane touched down on Singapore's land, reality hit. Hard. The carefree student life back in Melbourne came to an end. Of course with an immediate effect to adjust myself back. Not just the weather, the people, the land.

I've been fretting over the pressure to search for a job. Guess I've been talking to everyone I've met so far about job searching and how no one wants to hire me. That's a nicer way to put it. Rather they're complaining sessions. Pieces of advice from friends are to take my time and choose one that I love. "You're young and you've got time to try out different things before settling on one which you'd really love." Couldn't agree to it even more. However, the thought of changes is just daunting. Humans hate changes. Don't we? We're comfortable with what we are and where we are. Why the need to change? This brings in the subject of my new job.

Went for a job interview this morning at a social media company. The fastest reply I've gotten so far. Not as if I've received countless job offers. A total different field from what I have experience in. The decision to get this offer was made within an hour. With my mum's positive attitude, I just thought 'Why not give it a try?'. Alright, I'm starting my new job tomorrow. New job scope, new colleagues, new working environment. Awesome!

Undoubtedly, I am afraid. Scared of the challenges that are ahead of me. I pray hard that this one month will go by quickly. Living up to a standard has never been easy. But whose standard am I following right now? Unknown. Hopefully to everyone's but nah. That's too much to handle.

Wish me luck.


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7.02.2010

Counting down 9 days till my parents arrive in Melbourne. Such anticipation.

Met up with some of my secondary school friends yesterday. Surprise, surprise. They weren't the group people whom I talked to in BHS. Guess who? Toby, Aloysius, Yi Zhuang and Carolin. Such a weird combination. But anyways, we've managed to fill each other in on our lives after O level. Toby is doing commerce in ANU (Canberra), Aloysius studying biomedical in RMIT (Melbourne), Yi Zhuang's in business admin, some uni in Sydney. It's nice to have a meet up even though they are the least of all whom you expect to spend your dinner chatting with. So as I have predicted, none of them really remembered who I was except for that I was from E1 and in band. That much of my information.

Toby brought up this question. "Why didn't we speak during secondary school?" Why? I wondered. Oh yes, now then I remember that I'd always thought that they looked intimidating. Ha. Funny... I guess this reconnection some how reminded me how much I've missed. People whom you could have stayed in contact with but lost connection cos no one bothers to make the effort. That's how the social circle of many becomes smaller and smaller. So for those who complain that they have little friends, get your ass moving and start asking your long-lost friends out. You'll never know who will respond to you.

Have I been typing too much? Before I digress further, I'm here to share a few sites that my friend showed me. My word? Interesting sites.

1) Jim's pancake -> http://www.jimspancakes.com/
This dad who is so devoted to his daughter creates pancakes that form various crazy designs or things. He made a 3D ferris wheel, a bling necklace, aeroplane and many more. He did that just because his daughter refused to eat pancakes. But now, she's lovin' it. Who can resist such adorable looking pancakes?

2) World's strangest marriage -> http://oddee.com/item_97042.aspx
There's a woman married to the Berlin wall, man who married himself, woman married to Eiffel Tower. As the heading suggests "World's strangest marriage".

3) Photo bomb -> http://thisisphotobomb.com/
"Photo bomb" describes a the irrelevant things in a photo which somehow becomes the centre of attention i.e. a passerby who smiles brightly into the camera.

That's all for now. Too much effort to type out the descriptions. Lazy me.


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6.20.2010

I thank you for chatting with me for the past one-hour cos I wasn't feeling well. Guess you didn't sense that since I've been putting up a front.

I hate people who gives you attitude when there is no reason at all. I dislike them for when they give you the cold shoulder, it dampens your mood immediately. Now I will start to question myself as to what have I done wrong. Was it my fault which lead you to treat me like that? Do I deserve what just happened? Great. I hate this kind of feeling. It is quite common to feel like this. I will not deny that I do give such cold shoulder to people around. But seldom. Sigh. It feels like that person is having a mood swing without warning like an active volcano which erupts. It is so sudden that the victim does not even know what just occurred. I am feeling this way right now. The victim of this avalanche of magma. Many times I just wished to ask 'why'. Why the attitude? Why the sulky face and the awkward silence? Did anyone tell you that awkward silences are deafening? I hate this. I have been covering up quite nicely for the past year or so. And I am here to vent it all out. The faking ignorance and treating it as nothing has ever happened. Hell no. I just wish that I can put it all out and say that "I know you're giving an attitude. So what's the problem now?" But no. Seriously, I do not think that I will ever do that.

I feel really emotional right now. Negativity that has been collecting within me. Do you ever have friends who will laugh at you and question almost everything you say or do. Or even think that you are an ignorant person who has the least knowledge of all? Yes I do. Oh well, they do it in a joking manner but deep down I doubt so. Sometimes they'll ask if I know what this or that means and start mocking if I don't. Maybe 'mocking' is too strong a word. Then again, all this comments will make you feel so useless and stupid. You know the tone of voice that is so demeaning? I absolutely know that. I can't go any further right now. I have always know this feeling exists but the thought of putting them down into words are just so scary.

I have been watching Dexter and that really intrigues me. How many people out there are living with a facade and have their inner self covered up? Dexter does and I think I do. Who really knows me cos I don't even know myself. Which part of you is hidden under cover? And which part of you is revealed to the public?

I guess many of you have not seen this side of me before. Vulnerable and pathetic.


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6.16.2010

Miss Dependent or Independent?

I couldn't agree more with Yan's post on young Singaporeans being dependent. Definitely, I am being one of them, having the best sponsors for my studies- Mr. & Mrs. Ho. After being here and meeting all sorts of people, I do realized that Melburnians are much more independent as to leaving the family and staying in a rented place. Some get part-time jobs to support themselves while others have government subsidy. That's people welfare we're talking about. You can get 100% claim if you buy a laptop here. Oh, I see the surprised look on your face but that's how it works. My friend is now the proud owner of a free laptop. As for my other mate, he gets weekly 'pocket money' from the government. Not much, around 200 bucks each time if I'm not wrong. Wonderful isn't it? Hi there my fellow friends, will we get such a benefit when we're young and healthy? Uh, stop day dreaming and come back to the reality.

Noticed the major digression? I just did. Sorry there cos there are so much going through my mind right now.
Quick update
- Volunteered for Beauty and the Geek Melbourne's audition last Saturday. Enjoyed myself much despite the early call time. The girls are just 'great'. Fake tans, fake boobs, fake noses....
- Helping out for RMITV Studio A for Channel 31 as studio lighting director. Impressive title. Nearly had a breakdown yesterday during rehearsal. First time looking at the set and with my little knowledge on studio lighting, I just gave it a go. CCU (camera control unit, for white balancing and colour correcting) took me ages. I was the only one doing lighting. Oh god, my did I land myself in this shit hole. Hope that everything will go well next week. Did I mentioned that it's going to be a live telecast? Awesome.


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